Supporting a Survivor

Create a safe space. Make sure you speak in private. Make it clear you won’t judge. Only then might they feel safe enough to open up.

Tell them you’re worried. Try “You haven’t seemed yourself lately. Is there anything you want to talk about? Is everything OK at home?”

Take them seriously. Listen. Believe them. Black femmes are often dismissed. They’re told he seems like a nice guy, or a great dad. Trust what they say.

Tell them it’s not their fault. Your friend might blame themself. Tell them they are not to blame. He alone is responsible.

Don’t judge them. Don’t ask why they haven’t left or judge their choices. Instead, build their confidence and focus on their strengths.

Remind them that they’re not alone. They may have been deliberately isolated. Say you are there for them, and that there are solutions and that support is available.

Encourage them to contact us. Reassure them that they can contact us 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Help them find out about their rights and options.

Give them time. It might take a long time before they confide in you. Be patient. Recognising the problem is the first step.

The safety of your friend or loved one – and her children – is paramount. Talk to them about how they can stay safe. You could:

• Agree on a code word so they can signal when they are in danger and need you to get help
  
  
• Find out about services which could support them locally or nationally
  
  
• Offer to keep a spare set of keys for them or important documents, such as passports, bank account details and benefit information so that they can access them quickly in an emergency
  
  
• Keep a log of the abusive incidents; encourage them to visit the GP and keep copies of emails and texts
  
  
• Encourage them to contact us on 0333 016 9610 or visit HERSANA’s 24hr National Live Chat to discuss safety planning.

Remember, in an emergency and if you fear for your someone’s safety, always call 999.