Digital abuse can take many forms. Examples may include:

• using your social media accounts without your permission
  
  
• posting information about you online or by text/messenger
  
  
• creating a profile page without your permission
  
  
• sending you threatening messages
  
  
• sending threatening messages to other people whilst pretending to be you
  
  
• posting photos of you without your consent (also known as revenge porn)
  
  
• using spyware on your devices to track you
  
  
• taking away your control of smart home devices such as cameras, lights, thermostats
  
  
• controlling your bank accounts

Depending on whether or not you are living with the person who is harming you, you may choose to take different steps. Click on each option to learn more.

I’m worried I’m being watched right now

Some actions you take to increase your security or privacy might alert an abuser, and they might escalate their abusive behaviour. Before looking into what’s happening, we can help you to create a safety plan tailored to your situation:

• Use a safer device to contact us on 0333 016 9610 or visit HERSANA’s 24hr National Live Chat. For example, a phone from trusted friends, family, neighbours, or a computer in a library, school, or workplace.
  
  
• Exit this site quickly (or click on the Exit button)
  
  
• Delete your browser history
  
  
• Learn more about online privacy and safety

I’m living with my abuser / we share devices or accounts

• We can help you to create a safety plan tailored to your situation – contact us on 0333 016 9610.
  
  
• If it feels safe, you can visit Refuge’s Tech Safety Guide to learn more about how you can secure your tech.
  
  
• If you want to save evidence of the abuse, you will want to do so before taking any action such as deleting messages or posts, removing the abusers’ access to your phone or accounts, or reporting abusive content to tech companies.

I only know them through work, school, or online

Many femmes feel that they have no choice but to delete all social media accounts and reduce their use of the internet. You have the right to be online.

• If it feels safe, you can visit Refuge’s Tech Safety Guide to learn more about how you can secure your tech.
  
  
• If you want to save evidence of the abuse, you will want to do so before taking any action such as deleting messages or posts, removing the abusers’ access to your phone or accounts, or reporting abusive content to tech companies.
  
  
• You can also contact us on 0333 016 9610 or visit HERSANA’s 24hr National Live Chat.

Your abuser’s behaviour is considered to have a serious effect on you if:

• on at least two occasions you have feared that violence will be used against you, or
  
  
• you have felt serious alarm or distress and it has had a substantial effect on your usual day to day activities. The behaviour has had a substantial effect on you if it has caused you to change the way you live. For example, you may have changed the way you socialise, your physical or mental health may have deteriorated, you may have changed the way you do household chores or how you care for your children. If you have changed the way you live in order to keep you or your children safe from harm, it is possible that the behaviour you are experiencing is coercive control.

Only someone who is personally connected to you can commit an offence of coercive control. You are personally connected to your abuser if you are in an intimate personal relationship with them, for example if they are your partner, spouse or someone who you have a romantic or sexual relationship with. This includes same-sex relationships. If you are

no longer in an intimate relationship with your abuser, but you still live together, then you are still personally connected to them and the offence of coercive control may apply.

You are also personally connected to your abuser if they are family member who you live with. A family member could be anyone you are related to or have a child with, or any person who you have ever entered into or agreed to enter into a marriage or civil partnership with. A family member can also be a person who your spouse is related to and that you live with, for example, your partner’s parents who you live with.

If you are not personally connected to your abuser because they are for example a colleague, a neighbour, an acquaintance or someone you don’t know, you may still be able to seek protection from the abuse under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997

Everyone responds differently to tech and digital abuse – so whatever someone feels is a valid response. But, for lots of people, it can have a long-lasting impact on their feelings and wellbeing.

If you have experienced tech and digital abuse of any kind – whether it was recently or a long time ago – HERSANA is here for you. We will listen to you, believe you and create a safe space for you.

We know that it can be hard to approach the topic of abuse with a friend, colleague or family member. It’s important to remember that they may not want to speak to you, or may even react badly to you trying to discuss the situation with them. They also may not recognise

what they’re going through as abuse, even if you are sure it is. They may try to play it down or they could defend their partner’s actions. All of these reactions are common from victims of abuse, so whatever you do, make sure to accept your friend, family member or colleague’s reaction and don’t pressure them into talking. Although you may be tempted to try and encourage them to speak or seek professional support, you may have to accept that they are not ready for that step.

If they are ready to talk and confide in you, it’s a good idea to be able to signpost to organisations that can offer professional support as well as offering a listening ear yourself, if you can.

For Black femmes experiencing any form of domestic abuse, including digital abuse, we can offer free and confidential help and advice.